Starbuck-ology?
August 17, 2007 on 10:13 pm | In Local, Main, Oddball |
With apologies to Jill Goodman, I’m not a big believer in astrology, but I do concede there could be something to it. Far more interesting to me, however, is someone who can read my personality traits from what I drink.
A group of sages who run something called The Oracle of Starbucks can give you a personality profile based not only on what you order at the coffee powerhouse, but you can also get the inside dope on your friends (or, presumably, on the stranger you’re stalking while sipping that Frappacino).
Here’s what it told me about myself when I typed in double-tall latte (my usual):
Behold the Oracle’s wisdom:
Personality type: Lame. You’re a simple person with modest tastes and a reasonable lifestyle. In other words, you’re boring. Going to Starbucks makes you feel sophisticated; you’d like to be snooty and order an espresso but aren’t sure if you’re ready for that level of excitement. People laugh at you because you use fake curse words like “friggin’” and “oh, crumb!” Everyone who thinks America’s Funniest Home Videos is a great show drinks double tall latte.
Also drinks: V8
Can also be found: On the couch at home
They had it right — up until the fake curse words (I think I used “friggin” when I was in high school in suburban Boston). Also, I drink red wine (not V-8) and am more likely to be found in my office chair in front of the computer than on the couch. Otherwise not a bad profile.
Since Starbucks are nonexistent in the NWC, a coffee lover like me gets to visit them only when I travel or when I’m in Winsted, where there’s a Starbucks kiosk at the Super Stop & Shop.
P.S. I’d be willing to bet The Oracle works fine if you tell it what you order at Irving Farm or The Roast. Just don’t tell Joe I told you to lie or they’ll add that unfortunate trait to the double-tall latte profile, too. Then I’ll be sunk if a future client does some research on me.
P.P.S. Hey, Marshall and Mike, what does The Oracle say about people who order green tea?
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This is mine and holy cow did they get it wrong!!
Personality type: Pseudo-intellectual
You’re liberal and consider yourself to be laid back and open minded. Everyone else just thinks you’re clueless. Your friends hate you because you always email them virus warnings and chain letters “just in case it’s true.” All people who drink grande strawberry and cream tazo tea are potheads.
Also drinks: Sparkling water
Can also be found at: Designer grocery stores
I am NOT a liberal, and I never email virus warnings or chain letters. Oh yeah, and I’m not a pot head. I do, however, enjoy a Pellegrino every now and again.
Comment by Amy — August 18, 2007 #
Uh, I have never gone to Starbucks…and never will…so i did not know what to order….i put in regular size, regular coffee…
Here is what the Oracle said about me…
Behold the Oracle’s wisdom:
Personality type: Lame
You’re a simple person with modest tastes and a reasonable lifestyle. In other words, you’re boring. Going to Starbucks makes you feel sophisticated; you’d like to be snooty and order an espresso but aren’t sure if you’re ready for that level of excitement. People laugh at you because you use fake curse words like “friggin’” and “oh, crumb!” Everyone who thinks America’s Funniest Home Videos is a great show drinks Regular coffee.
Also drinks: V8
Can also be found: On the couch at home
This is why I never have, or never will go to
a “friggin” Starbucks!
Time for me to head back to the couch
Comment by Marshall Miles — August 18, 2007 #
Amy,
Grande strawberry and cream tazo tea? Maybe you’re a “closet liberal pothead” just waiting to be freed from your staid libertarian head.
Marshall,
Regular coffee? I thought you drank green tea. Overall The Oracle sounds pretty accurate to me. The Oracle shot out the same profile for both of us, which confirms how I have idolized you over the years. Perhaps I, too, will grow up to preside over a media empire someday.
Comment by Terry — August 18, 2007 #
I don’t think so.
Comment by Amy — August 18, 2007 #
Mike likes the green tea!
I would love to see how they rank him at Starbucks!
Comment by Marshall Miles — August 18, 2007 #