Patrick L. Sullivan

Francis D. Spackle is the nom de plume of Francis E. Spackle (b. March 15, 1972, Perth Amboy, N.J.).

After attending Forsdyke College (majoring in Exasperation Studies) Spackle worked for three years as a coat rack at the Swarthmore Arms Hotel in Pittsburgh.

He began writing his experiences in crayon on the backs of discarded envelopes and in 1997 took a cardboard box full to the publishing house of Spundle & Feely, where he was given a hot shower and proclaimed a genius.

Since then Spackle’s work has consistently topped the bestseller lists: “Skidmarks of My Soul,” “Dry-Heaving to High Heaven,” and “Travels In My Colon” have been made into films.

These diary excerpts have never been published and were probably written during the early 1990s. Spackle has become a recluse and refuses to be interviewed unless by George Clooney wearing a zebra-striped jockstrap. Mr. Clooney has declined comment.