Patrick L. Sullivan

Longwing, the Long-Suffering Trad, mentions rather casually in his blog today that he will be concentrating on buying a few ties. Nothing major, y’know.

And I say “Ha!”

I picked up these nifty Paul Stuart silk knits at the thrift today for a buck apiece. No big deal, right?

I’ve been just picking up nifty ties for a buck apiece for a few years now, and folks, it is no exaggeration to state that I could wear a different tie every day (starting today) and still have enough to make it to the ‘09 holiday season.

The ties in current rotation (wrong word, implies repeated use and constant turnover) reside draped over doors. It doesn’t hurt them any and keeps them in eyeshot.

Why don’t I keep them on the handy-dandy motorized tie racks a kind fellow in Illinois gave me?

Because the motorized tie racks are full, that’s why.

So I advise all men to be wary of the tie mania. The peril is real.

That’s not funny, that’s sick.

The weather here in the Taconic Plateau fiddled and diddled and then threw in the towel on winter. It’s spring.

And for shlepping around, the classic combo of lightweight LL Bean casual trousers, Quoddy mocs, a Hanes polo bought from the pile at Wal-Mart, a ribbon belt from Lands End (these things go on sale for about eight bucks per, which makes them very hard to resist - I didn’t), and the usual swap’ em routine with the watch and the ribbon bands.

The Weejun, resoled and in action

Some years ago now, while looking for information on suits, I stumbled on the Ask Andy About Clothes forum and an obsession was born.

There are sub-obsessions, and for the last two years mine has been finding the right penny loafer. I was loafer-resistant: the concept seemed pretty sissified to me, and I still won’t even consider a tassel. Very gradually I warmed to the idea of a loafer at all via the boat shoe. From the battered Topsider it’s a fairly short stretch to the Weejun, the famous penny loafer made by Bass.

I tried a pair from the outlet store in Lee, Mass. My first mistake was buying them too big. I was under the impression loafers should be the same size as one’s other shoes. Maybe for other guys, but not me. I need one that is shorter, otherwise it just flops around.

The second mistake was buying the Weejuns from the outlet at all. The typical Bass loafer available at outlets is made of a shiny (and, I learned, cheap) leather called corrected grain. It looks like plastic and feels like it, too. I eventually thrifted a pair of older USA-made Weejuns with the soles falling off, and had them resoled by an outfit called NuShoe. (Oddly, the uppers and interior were fine.)

Back to the forum. I read up on loafers, and the odyssey began.

I discovered that Lands End shoes run big, like their sport jackets. I discovered that the penny loafer as practiced by whoever makes the calfskin ones for Brooks is too pointy. I found that Sebago’s corrected grain isn’t nearly as obnoxious as that used by Bass, and that by combining black loafers with baggy chinos and a plaid short-sleeve sport shirt with a button-down collar one can recreate the look sported by the young Richard Dreyfuss in American Graffiti. (Not that it comes up often, or ever, but nice to know the option’s there.)

And I found it gets tricky when one has a skinny ankle and a wide-ish everything else. I can get the heel right and have too much up front, or it can fit like a glove in the toe box and I’m falling out of them in the back.

But I persevered, and experimented, and spent too much money, and now I have a bunch of penny loafers that are satisfactory or better, to varying degrees.

Sebago Cayman flat-strap penny loafer

The best of them are…

Fit:

With socks - Allen Edmonds Hanover, Sebago Cayman in brown

Sans socks - Quoddy Trail Company Pennies with camp sole, Allen Edmonds Lawrence with lug sole

Style :

Cool - AE Hanovers, black Sebago Classic, Sebago Cayman

Pleasantly stodgy - Bass Weejuns (thrifted pair, resoled, much better leather), Sebago Classic in brown

Strictly utilitarian - Bass Logans, the oiled leather Sebagos, the Quoddys.

Different league - AE Randolphs in shell cordo (I think).

Story behind these - got them on eBay, and noticed the leather just seemed more substantial than anything else I owned. Then I took a spill and managed to scratch the hell out of them. Ruined, I thought. Shoe cream, polish, leather conditioners - nothing helped.

Then I read up on shell cordovan and learned that the oils in this type of leather stay put forever. Should some calamity occur, the best bet is to give the shoes a brisk brushing and leave them alone to allow Nature to take its course.

Which I did, and now the scratches are barely noticeable. (Which is why I think these are shell.)

Tired of feeling bloated? Well, stop eating that cheeseburger and go get some plain low- or no-fat yogurt, a bottle of weird Polar diet soda and some frozen berries.

Using your wisdom in the ways of science, combine four medium blobs of yogurt, three good splashes of diet soda and half a pound of frozen berries in a blender, and let ‘er rip.

What you will get is something that looks like Pepto-Bismol that’s been up and down a couple of times, but it tastes good and - here’s the best part - after about two weeks of ingesting this stuff regularly, something in the gut lets go.

The sound effect for this gastrointestinal event (taken from the catalog of Mad magazine’s Don Martin) is:

FLOONT!

Yes, with a mighty wind everything that was bugging you will emerge, and continue to emerge.

For days.

Aaaah.

Acting on a tip from the Lakeville Journal’s Ryan Snider, I obtained the super low-budget Equinox from NetFlix and right away realized where Sam Raimi got a lot of his ideas for The Evil Dead. I mean, look at it: well-meaning professor gets hold of ancient book of the occult and foolishly reads the spells aloud as he translates from the Sumerian. All Hell breaks loose. Well-meaning students blunder into situation, discover all H. breaking loose, and die in unusual ways.

The special effects for Equinox are spectacular, given they had a budget of about $8000 (in 1967). For the giant-menacing-the-smarty-pants scene, the actor playing in the ogre stood on a picnic table; the actor playing the wisenheimer was several yards away, aligned for the camera angle. To get the “ground” right, the right color dirt was placed on a piece of plywood, which was then propped up next to the picnic table.

The Criterion Collection DVD two-fer has the original version and the later theatrical (read: drive-in) release, with extra footage shot a couple of years later and some additional plot to get in the way of the story. The later scenes are noticeable: the longer sideburns on the men are a bit of a giveaway, and the young blonde lady doesn’t fit her Capri pants quite as well.

Fans of WKRP in Cincinnati might recognize Frank Bonner (who played Herb in the TV series). He’s the one with the sideburns.

Summary: Four stupid white people; one berserk scientist; one evil book; one weird park ranger/demon; assorted monsters, including giant house-eating octopus (tentacles only), ogre, flying red devil, minor league King Kong; one disappearing castle; one Zone of Doom; gratuitous shots of girl’s bottom in Capri pants; reporter in porkpie hat; fat shrink in lab coat. Groovy LA teen stuff. Incredibly slow speed limits. Lots of scrambling up hills. Grimace sex.

Three coils.

Grimace sex

Demonic monster or Tennessee Titan? You decide.